| Teens
may be concerned because they are not physically developing at the same
rate as their peers. Teens may be more developed than their peers
("early-maturers") or less developed than their peers
("late-maturers"). Being out of developmental "step" with peers is a
concern to adolescents because most just want to fit in. Early
maturation affects boys and girls differently. Research suggests that
early maturing boys tend to be more popular with peers and hold more
leadership positions. Adults often assume that early maturing boys are
cognitively mature as well. This assumption can lead to false
expectations about a young person's ability to take on increased
responsibility. Because of their physical appearance, early maturing
girls are more likely to experience pressure to become involved in
dating relationships with older boys before they are emotionally ready.
Early maturing girls tend to suffer more from depression, eating
disorders, and anxiety.
- Teens
may feel awkward about demonstrating affection to the opposite sex
parent. As they develop physically, teens are beginning to rethink
their interactions with the opposite sex. An adolescent girl who used
to hug and kiss her dad when he returned home from work may now shy
away. A boy who used to kiss his mother good night may now wave to her
on his way up the stairs.
- Teens may ask more direct
questions about sex. At this stage, adolescents are trying to figure
out their sexual values. Teens often equate intimacy with sex. Rather
than exploring a deep emotional attachment first, teens tend to assume
that if they engage in the physical act, the emotional attachment will
follow. They may ask questions about how to abstain without becoming
embarrassed or about how they will know when the time is right. They
may also have specific questions about methods of birth control and
protection from sexually transmitted diseases.
What Can You Do?
Knowledge
about what changes and behaviors during adolescence are normal can go a
long way in helping both teens and adults manage the transition
successfully. There are also some specific things adults can do to be
supportive:
- Don't criticize or compare
the teens to others. Teens are already acutely self-conscious about the
way they look. They don't need you to point it out to them.
- Encourage
teens to get enough sleep. Realize they may need an extra boost in
getting out of bed for school. Try to be understanding when teens want
to sleep until noon on Saturday.
- Encourage and
model healthy eating habits. Keep plenty of nutritious foods in the
house. Remember that teens need to take in more calories to fuel their
growth. Monitor eating habits accordingly.
- Encourage
and model physical activity. Exercise will help teens burn excess
energy, strengthen developing muscles, and sleep better at night. It
may also help teens become more comfortable in their changing bodies.
- Provide
honest answers to teens about sex. Teens are in search of knowledge on
this subject. If adults do not provide accurate information, teens are
forced to rely on their peers or other potentially inaccurate sources.
Unfortunately, such erroneous information is often to blame when teens
make poor decisions.
- Be understanding of their need
for physical space. Do not take it personally if your teen is not as
physically affectionate as he or she was in the past. Do not force your
teen to hug or kiss relatives or family friends. Maintain
communication, but respect teens' need to withdraw.
- Be
patient with excessive grooming habits. Teens often spend large amounts
of time grooming themselves and obsessing over skin care products.
Often, this behavior merely reflects teens' attempts to maintain some
sense of control over their rapidly changing bodies. (More)
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