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What if you are married to a person with gambling problems; what if the gambler is your son or father?  Because pathological gambling is a severe problem, which often includes one or a number of serious related problems including: substance abuse, legal problems, financial problems, depression or suicidality, there are no simple cookbook prescriptions for how to handle the situation.  Real solutions most often involve a comprehensive management strategy rather than a one dimensional "silver bullet" solution.  While it is impossible to provide the "answer", some of these strategies can prove useful in managing the problem. 

• Gambling, like substance abuse, is a problem that thrives on secrecy.  Getting it out in the open is often the first step to a solution.  That does not mean that the gambling problem needs to be common public knowledge, but those most concerned and those most willing and able to help need to clearly identify the problem for what it is.  It needs to be discussed openly and honestly in order to be dealt with effectively.
  
• You can't help your loved one, if you can't help yourself.  Too often it is the case that family members become entangled in the gambling problem themselves.  If they are not gambling, they are somehow financially or emotionally at risk, afraid to let the secret out, or in some other way either directly or indirectly they are colluding with the gambler.  They may spend a great deal of time, money, and energy "protecting" the gambler from the consequences of his behaviour.  Pathological gamblers often need to become quite expert at manipulating people, even people they care for, because they are over extended, can not meet their obligations, and constantly need to reassure others that "everything will be taken care of".  Becoming independent, self sufficient, and able to stand on your own is often the necessary first step before you can try to effectively help the gambler yourself.  This may not be something that can be accomplished overnight.  The sad reality is that not all pathological gamblers recover, and in some instances the relationship with them needs to be abandoned on a temporary or at times permanent basis.  
  
• Although gambling is classified as a mental illness, there are many doctors and mental health care professionals who know little about the problem.  It is important to get the guidance and support of knowledgeable people, so try to find a professional with training or experience treating pathological gambling.  By all means use the support groups like Break Even to become informed about the problem and the resources available to address it.  If you are not getting the help you need from one professional or support group, shop around a little to see what else is out there.  
  
• Work on the problem in an organized and consistent way.  Don't wait for the crisis to invest all your energy, make your big decisions, and perhaps act rashly.  A written management plan is often a good anchor in the storm.  Such a plan can be adapted in a thoughtful way as the situation and needs change.  
  
• Remember that pathological gambling has a variable course, it waxes and wanes.  This means that while things may not be as hopeless as they seem, the problem is not automatically resolved on the one-month anniversary of the last bet.  This realization can help you continue to work on the problem in the steady consistent way without your motivation slipping away due to either discouragement or false hope. 

The friends and family members of a pathological gambler face hard realities.  They can become impoverished, despondent, bitter, overwhelmed, or hopeless.  While problem gambling is never an easy problem to face, an honest and informed approach backed up with the support of others puts you in a position to minimize the harm to yourself, and perhaps be able to offer significant assistance to the gambler.  At Stressline we can put you in touch with the community resources that are available to help you with the effects of pathological gambling. 

W. Mark Lassleben, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychologist

Other Resources

1. Focus on the family--Focus on the Family opposes all forms of legalized gambling for both moral and pragmatic reasons. We believe the net societal effect of our government's embrace of gambling has been disastrous......

2. Effect on the spouse--Compulsive Gambling is a devastating disease, not only for the gambler, but also for his or her family. The chart below outlines typical phases through which a relationship might go. A discussion on problem gambling's effects on spouses and partners can be found on the ...

3. Addiction treatment Foundation--As a research and education resource for gambling addiction treatment professionals, the Oregon Gambling Addiction Treatment Foundation seeks both to learn more about problem gambling in Oregon and educate Oregonians about gambling addiction and the availability of treatment.