Developing the ability to flirt is an essential element in the art of meeting and establishing contact with some of the other 63 million singles in America.  Flirting can affirm a woman’s feminine charms or make a man feel good about his masculinity.  It can really boost your ego and make you feel more attractive, more sensual, more desirable.  Flirting with your date makes him or her feel wanted, exciting and captivating.  Your date will feel flattered, appreciated and good about themselves when around  you.  That good feeling will spread and they’ll feel pretty darn good about you, too.

I’m Very Shy... How Would I Begin?

Usually you first catch your victim’s eye by giving a long, lingering and appreciative stare for about 3-5 seconds.  You might prefer the “coy eye-flirt,” where you give several quick glances in succession.  (I have perfected the one eyebrow raised thing, which always brings a smile to a fella’s face….he knows what time it is!).  If you aren’t quite so daring, you can peep, then look away, drop your eyes, or give him/her a brief amused smile.  Usually that will draw them closer, and you can then engage in light conversation, which will enable you to move on to flirting levels 2 and 3!

Level 2 Flirting - Talking!

Words are easy to use when flirting.  Commenting on the color, style or fit of the clothing being worn is great, but often with words it’s not so much what you say, BUT HOW YOU SAY IT.  Tell her that she has beautiful brown eyes that twinkle when she smiles and I’ll bet that lady will smile at you all night!  Tell the handsome fella you are talking with how rich and masculine his voice is and how you could listen to him talk all night.  Watch him beam with pride!  Alternatively, telling a woman that she “has a spread like the Ponderosa” would most likely be interpreted as an insult, and, unless you wanted to be totally ignored, probably won’t get you the reaction you were hoping for.

But let’s say you were flirting with the intention of catching the eye of someone you ARE interested in dating. 

You’ve got him or her talking to you, it’s all good, and you’ve flirted your hardest.  When do you make your move?  I say that given 10-15 minutes of time, you should both know whether or not you are with someone you would want to see again.  If you have been respectful, positive and encouraging during your conversation, the Flirtee should propose that you exchange phone numbers or meet again soon.  If not, perhaps you might suggest it. 

If they decline for any reason, that means they are not interested in pursing the flirtation any further, but did enjoy your company.  At that point you should exit gracefully, consider it a great practice session, and move on to flirt with someone else.  However, if your flirtation works out well, and you do get those digits, move on to Level 3…

Level 3 Flirting - TOUCHING!

Flirting by touch is great, but must be done with caution.  Not everyone is comfortable with being touched by someone they don’t know (especially women).  But gently picking “lint” from his jacket sleeve, gently placing your hand in the small of her back as you guide her through the crowd, or touching an arm during conversation to emphasize your point are typical non-threatening ways to flirt with touch.  Leaning in close and brushing against your Flirtee so that he/she gets a good whiff of the cologne you are wearing is another subtle way to touch and get away with it!

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  Avoid flirting with someone else’s honey.  You look less than righteous (rather trifling actually), and could really hurt someone’s feelings or start something you are not prepared to finish.
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  Don’t expect that because someone flirts with you that you are owed their time or anything else. Relax!  Look upon the flirtation as a pleasant way to pass a few minutes of time.
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  Don’t flirt to make someone you are with (or want to be with) jealous.  It will most likely backfire and you’ll end up looking like a complete fool.  No one likes being used.
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  Remember that flirting is subtle.  Overt sexual innuendo (unless it’s with your main squeeze or spouse) is not flirting… it’s a proposition and quite rude.  Avoid verbal comments or behavior that could be construed as an overt sexual invitation. 
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  Lastly, if you are out at a gathering, party or nightclub, its a good idea to flirt only with the one you really want, not the one that is easy to get.  Too often what happens is the one you really want is watching you, perhaps waiting for a signal to approach.  Then when he or she sees you flirting unashamedly with someone else, it is too easy for them to feel rejected and convince themselves that you weren’t really flirting with or interested in them anyway.